It's been 2 months since I left my old home. I thought that the loneliness would've passed by now, but it's really more painful than before. Maybe because I now have a lot of time on my hands, with nothing much to do. And there's so much free time to reminisce and just be sad. It was actually a lot better when I started in this new place. Lots to do, so toxic, so busy with work. I missed my friends so much then but that was always put at the back of my mind, as there were other more important things to think about. Now, I'm in my electives, with once-a-week duty, what the hell..? Anyway, this is the time when I'm supposedly partying every night, going out to dinner, watching movies and hanging out with my long-lost friends. But... I have no friends, all of a sudden. Huh. Here I was, texting and texting, planning stuff. But then they weren't available, had other things to do. Of course, I don't expect them to drop everything just to spend time with me, but a little effort would have been greatly appreciated. I visited them once, and it wasn't good at all. At least for me. I felt awkward, as if we had nothing to talk about. It just hit me, that they've all moved on. And I was still in one place, wanting to go back, and couldn't move forward.
Now, I've stopped missing them. I just feel numb. Apparently, it's just friendship for convenience's sake. We were thrown together, and spent 4 years working together. Maybe we just couldn't help but become friends with one another. But now that everything is over, and we're just here for 1 more year, and we me gone to another place, then the friendship has expired. Haha. Easy as that. Real friends make an effort. You don't see them only when you have free time. You MAKE time for them. I was reaching out, but then they didn't want me anymore. If I had stayed with them, most likely we would still be really close. But since I left, I have no place in their schedules anymore. So I'm gonna stop. At least for my self-preservation. I feel better knowing where I stand.
*disclaimer: I am being overly emotional tonight. These are the rantings of a person with absolutely nothing fun to do right now. And instead of getting work done, is making non-sense blogs. Haha. I would most likely change my opinion of my friends next week. But wouldn't you agree that there's something wrong with the picture here? I will always keep this in mind, so as not to be disappointed next time... :)
Now, I've stopped missing them. I just feel numb. Apparently, it's just friendship for convenience's sake. We were thrown together, and spent 4 years working together. Maybe we just couldn't help but become friends with one another. But now that everything is over, and we're just here for 1 more year, and we me gone to another place, then the friendship has expired. Haha. Easy as that. Real friends make an effort. You don't see them only when you have free time. You MAKE time for them. I was reaching out, but then they didn't want me anymore. If I had stayed with them, most likely we would still be really close. But since I left, I have no place in their schedules anymore. So I'm gonna stop. At least for my self-preservation. I feel better knowing where I stand.
*disclaimer: I am being overly emotional tonight. These are the rantings of a person with absolutely nothing fun to do right now. And instead of getting work done, is making non-sense blogs. Haha. I would most likely change my opinion of my friends next week. But wouldn't you agree that there's something wrong with the picture here? I will always keep this in mind, so as not to be disappointed next time... :)
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